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So - Happy Birthday to You, Dad. R.I.P. '59 - '04 [13 Oct 2007|01:14am] [ music | From Yesterday - 30 Seconds to Mars ] Here it is. A little after midnight and I'm thinking of you. How you are. Where you are. What you're doing. And even though it's bad of me sometimes, I wonder if you even exist beyond this world. Or if you're just nothing but a memory. I hope not. I hope that you have another life you are fulfilling somewhere in the universe. October 13th. I find myself remembering things about you that I wouldn't normally think of. It makes me smile. I remember the one time mom went out on a 'girls night' for the first time since my little brother was born. We had a little party in the backyard because Auntie was camping in a tent back there for the summer. Cousins were crowding the yard as we took turns in the little red wagon. My turn came and I was being pulled around the swing set when Joey turned the corner too sharp and I was knocked backwards of the wagon, and my head hit a sharp rock. You rushed me too the hospital where I needed stitches and you felt so bad. But it was okay, Dad. You felt like you did us wrong because an accident happened while mom wasn't around. Believe it or not, you made me feel strong that day. You told me to be a big girl because I was strong. I still remember my arms wrapped around your neck and the smell of your aftershave. I was safe in your arms. Takes me back to when I was 13 and going for my open heart surgery. One of the first times I've ever seen you cry openly. You held me and told me to be strong. I told you that if I passed on, I'd catch you a million fish. We laughed, but you cried and walked away. After that day, you would stay your distance. You wouldn't come close to me during any pre-ops. But it's okay, Dad. I understand why you kept your distance. You were afraid of losing me. Afraid of getting close. I don't know why we weren't any closer. I just know that I am thankful for the time I did have with you. The things you taught me. The things you showed me. The good times you gave us. It's your birthday today. We can't be there to celebrate with you, but we'll have a beer for you down here. We'll share fond memories of you. We'll smile as we remember your voice. Your touch. The way you would laugh. Happy Birthday, Dad. You'll never be forgotten. I love you. oxox fuck me

Moved... [12 Jun 2006|09:36am] [ mood | busy ] [ music | Blondie ] For all who care.. I've moved to here: breathe4her It was nice sharing this journal with you all but a new chapter has transpired and off I go! :D Take care and goodbye VIXXXENATION! 1 screw| fuck me

[30 Apr 2006|11:58am] Just wanted to say, I LOVE YOU to Amanda. That's my one main shout out :D Only one actually! So, yesterday I called my mom and asked her if she and my brother wanted to go for dinner at this new Mexican restaurant that was "supposed" to be open. We got there and it was closed... well we couldn't find the building at first but it was closed regardless... wtf?? We went to Haps instead. (No wrries baby, we'll get you some good mexican, okay? *smiles* I promise.) After that, we went to Bingo... sat with my Papa and his crazy wife. Hehe, and we won! both Amanda and I won! It was so funny because it was the same bingo card. Your first game was one line any way.. which she bingo'd on.. and then you continue for two lines any way... and I bingo'd on that one! LMAO! So we won the money back that we put in for playing in the first place. :D I had a good night :) I was with my baby, it's always good. Just wanted to share. I LOVE YOU AMANDA! 2 screws| fuck me

[26 Apr 2006|11:30am] ( Which One Tree Hill Character are You Most Like? ) fuck me

[26 Apr 2006|10:39am] [ mood | i miss mana ] [ music | Blessid of Union Souls ] I know it's been some time since I've updated my journal. Honestly? I don't have much to say. The things I do want to say, I say them to Amanda and that gives me more peace then anything else, you know? It's amazing how you can find someone to connect with on the most deepest intimate level there ever was. Really now, how many people can say they've found their true soul mate? I take satisfaction in knowing that I can say that and KNOW it's true and KNOW it's real. Love is amazing and I've found it for eternity. Nothing and no one will take my Amanda away, and whoever steps in my way, in our way, will have so much hell to pay they'll wish they never even got to know me. There, that's clear. :D So, off topic! ONE TREE HILL is on tonight. I'm so excited! I can't wait. Amanda and I have been watching Season 1 and 2 on DVD (that's right, I got em!) and last night was the first time we took a break from watching it since last weekend. We watched XENA!!! *sighs* that's almost over and I know I'm prolonging it LOL, I just don't want it to end (yes, i know, it's already ended for like, 5years now?) but still! Oh.. right, OTH, okay... so... where did we leave off? The last episode on disc 2 of season 2... we have to watch it yet... and I don't know what happens. Oh, but I do have this for you... ( My Take On OTH 11/19/2003 ) So that was from Season One. Now we're into Season 3 and a lot has happened! Where to start? God, this Season was so long I can't even remember the beginning of it! I know Haley comes back, Peyton is upset with her because she left Nathan and feels that she shouldn't be able to just come back (after going on tour with Chris Keller and the Wreckers) and expect everything to be normal again. I mean, honestly, I agree with Peyton. Haley left Nathan to follow her dreams (yes with Nathan's 'permission') but when Nathan suggested he go with her... why would she say no? Because of the basketball camp? I don't get it and obviously neither does P. Sawyer.. anyway... I know Ellie (sp) comes into the picture (which is Peyton's REAL mom). She too, kinda expects Peyton to be all "ohh mom" you know? See, Peyton thinks her real mom died in a car accident and her father is her real father... *buzzer sound* you're wrong. *sighs* you'll be so lost if you start watching the show now without seeing everything. Anyway, Ellie passes away with cancer, Haley and Nathan are back together and more stronger than ever (Peyton forgives Haley) Brooke and Lucas are together, not sure HOW strong though... looks like they are trying to write in Lucas/Peyton again. HOWEVER! Peyton just proposed to Jake. You know Jake, the all around cute american guy with a little girl, Jenny? Yea, him. She went to Savannah to follow her heart and that's where Jake and Jenny are. (Now, I won't get into the whole Nikki/Jake thing) Well, she decided she wants to be with him and the little one, so she asked Jake if they wanted to get married... (right, like I know what he says? PLease, watch tonight's episode.) No where do we stand with Mouth? He got his heart broekn by a girl who he thought liked him back. Rachel. Now this chick gives me really confusing vibes. Kind of like Brooke did when the show first aired. She was a snobby/bitch cheerleader and as it turns out, she's got a soft heart (as long as she's not backstabbed by her bestfriend and boyfriend again).Anyway, about Mouth. He got through to Rachel's snobby/bitch side and for a moment there, my heart went out to Rachel and Mouth until she freakin broke his heart! Why does Mouth fall for the wrong girls? Brooke than Rachel. :( Dan is an arrogant ass as usual! OMG!! I HATE HIM!! HE KILLED KEITH!! In cold blood, just "BHAM" he shot him. *cries* now that was a powerful episode. I can't believe he's gone though! I just... I can't. Why? Not only pwerful because Keith died, but because Jimmy brought a gun to school and kept some students hostage (Rachel, Haley, Nathan, Mouth, Skills and a couple others). He ended up killing himself in the end though :( God.. that was intense! *sighs* Now everyone thinks Jimmy killed Keith and no one will know it was Dan. Fucker. *kicks the fucks fucking face in* Poor Karen :( She's out of character, but then again, her and Keith we so in love. She lost the love of her life. I'd be pissy too. I don't think I'd blame my son though, that's just... not a good thing. :'( I can understand where she is coming from. Not sure where exactly her and Deb's friendship's heading though. *shrugs* Well, I know I'm missing plenty but I'm at work and I really should sign off here now. I just needed to babble about the best show on the planet :P I LOVE YOU AMANDA!!! 7 screws| fuck me

[25 Apr 2006|10:14am] ( About me ) I LOVE YOU AMANDA! 2 screws| fuck me

Hehe [13 Apr 2006|04:00pm] [ mood | shakey ] [ music | Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson ] Hello! ( LALA ) I LOVE YOU AMANDA!!! 3 screws| fuck me

[30 Mar 2006|04:44pm] Update to follow... I LOVE YOU AMANDA! 1 screw| fuck me

so all I gotta say [22 Mar 2006|10:00pm] I just wanted to update: I LOVE YOU AMANDA That's all I need to say. Now I'm going to go sit with my wife on the couch, watch One Tree Hill, have a hot bath and go to bed. Is that okay with everyone? Sue me, so I'm in a bitchy mood but I find myself irrtated. I can't find my story and I'm just going crazy with certain people. blah I LOVE YOU NICKOLE!!! 3 screws| fuck me

Oooooo [16 Mar 2006|08:56pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | [TV] First Wives Club ] OOOkay.... Apparently I have no reculection of writing my previous entry. I'm so sorry, I was so gone. I've been worse, but yea. So, I'm bidding on a Sega Master System on Ebay... well, watching several... thought it'd be awesome to have. Amanda has her NES and I want my SMS... I grew up on that system and Mana grew up on her NES so we can be equal! PEPSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was going through WITHDRAWL!!!! Two days without this stuff is torture but I did survive!!! And I could survive too, but my girl was soooo good to me and went out to buy some earlier today while I was work. Mmmmm... she bought this new body wash and it smells so FUCKING good on her... I could just... DEVOUR her. *growls* I LOVE YOU BABY!!!! 1 screw| fuck me

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